Here I am having a good laugh with my friend about having a flirt on Instagram…nothing much to it! Sounds like a fun conversation while sipping your afternoon coffee but it hit me at a very deep level and believe it or not I never thought about it before in this way. I never heard this from my parents or my grandparents, they never liked, shared or poked posts on social media platforms. 

Where people draw the line and what is considered as being cheating behavior these days? How many of us look at a likes on Facebook or a reaction on Instagram as flirt? Or maybe is just a healthy expression of admiration in the most platonic way? Ooooor…not?!

These questions might sound simple but, trust me, they aren’t at all. We live in a world where technology has developed in the passed few years beyond expectations: social media platforms, websites, smartphones, iwatches…you name it! 

You can pretty much contact anyone at anytime as long as you have an internet connection and a smartphone. Let’s remember the good old days where in each house was just one fix phone and where my dad used to pick up the phone in the other room to listen everyone’s conversations. Not happening anymore, right? So things got much more complicated. Your partner may just be in the car outside the car talking with someone else, that just gets on your nerves, right? Yes, the control freak inside you is fully awaken right now thinking that it might be true. But the question is: is that cheating? I mean as long as it got so accessible and easy, did the parameters changed? And also how can we live with these kind of thoughts while we are in a relationship and make it work? Is that even possible?

What type of behavior is considered “cheating” these days? Chatting, talking, voice messages, friend requests, likes on social media, and the list can go on. Internet is just a whole universe of possibilities opened to anything and accessible at any time from everywhere.

I talked to many people about it and the opinions about this subject are very different. Here are some I’ve heard:

“I just like her pictures on facebook, doesn’t mean anything!”

“I’m just flirting for 5 minutes, it gives me confidence!”

“Her pictures are hot!”

“We talked several times but that’s all!”

“Is nothing wrong with it, we’re just talking on the phone!”

“I’m not doing anything, I am just commenting on his pictures!”

Please, keep in mind that I am not targeting a certain gender or social group but we are in a new phase in human history where accessibility to sex was never before this developed.

 Is this creating social disturbances?

 Of course it does, if we just look at the the number of divorces around us. The truth is that we live in a society that no one prepared us for, we were not taught how to deal with kids being online all the time,  we were not taught how to deal with the number of temptations that are in front of us 24/7 so we are disoriented. Yes, you read that correctly! That is the word of the day: disoriented. People are like a children who receive a brand new shiny toy from Santa Claus and has no clue how to use it.

There is a whole new social ground that no one prepared us for. This high accessibility to everything is beneficial in some areas of our lives but is the exact opposite in some others. 

So…is there a solution? 

The only answer that can be given at this time is that we need to be aware of our own vulnerability in front of everything because that is exactly how we are: vulnerable. For a relationship to survive in this time it takes much more effort, understanding and acceptance than ever before. Communication between partners should be always a priority, find out what the other significant one needs, how he feels and what perspective he has on the whole matter. 

Unfortunately technology became such a big part of our lives that it cannot be shut down or avoided. So the only solution is coping with this new stage. Coping with ourselves better and coping with our partners. More than ever we need to apply acceptance in all areas and truly understand that this new age is here to teach us how much we still have to learn. So working on ourselves has never been more imperative because the truth is that we found ourselves in a time that no one experienced it before and we feel lost, swimming in uncharted waters. We have no clue how to deal with many aspects of our lives considering these new circumstances. But who is willing to learn, work on himself, set healthy boundaries will make it work.

Let’s be better listeners, do less judging and, maybe, even work more on our egos! 

Monica Burtavel

Family & Relationships Counselor, NLP Transformational Coach, Timeline & Hypnosis Therapist.